No one said I had to be reasonable

Why does it irritate me when my kids ask to brush their teeth in the morning?

Seriously. Why?

I have dentist issues. I want my kids to have good teeth. I am a complete nazi about nighttime brushing. So why do I try to brush my own teeth on the sly, hiding in case they see me and ask to brush theirs too? And why does my heart sink when one of them walks into the bathroom while I'm brushing?

Do you have any weird pet peeves or am I alone in the crazy?

An unintended entendre

This morning while I was getting dressed (at 11:00. Oh the life of a stay-at-home-mom. It's all sleeping late and bon bons and Bailey's in our coffee.) Ava wandered into my bedroom and since I noticed she was still in her jammies I asked her to go get dressed. Several minutes later she came back wearing a princess dress and a crown, having raided the dress-up box for today's ensemble.

"Mom! Look! I'm a princess!" she said as she put the lid of the toilet down and hopped on. As she settled herself onto the toilet to watch me do my make-up she was struck with a startling realization, "Hey Mom! LOOK! I'm sitting on a KINGS CHAIR thing!"

Uh, I do believe it's called a throne.

And it goes on...

I have done many disgusting things as a parent. Things I never thought, as I gagged on the sound of someone eating a banana near me, possible. For instance, I have voluntarily held out my hands to catch my childs puke because nothing else was handy. Pretty remarkable considering I once vomited into a friend's sink after watching her baby spit-up during her post-nursing burp. However, nothing I have done in the past in terms of grossness compares to yesterday.

Yesterday I scooped poop out of Sebastian's diaper with a plastic spoon smaller than the nail on my pinkie finger and smeared it into a small plastic container until it reached the fill line halfway up. And then I did it again.

Actually in the interest of full disclosure, Hugh did. Both times. Because apparently I haven't completely lost my gag reflex.

The last 30 days by the numbers

4 - hours I spent sitting in a walk-in clinic with Ava who was diagnosed with Strep throat.
1 - hour I spent at my doctor's office to discover Ava's Strep throat was, in fact, not Strep.
3 - the number of kids in my house who got hand, foot and mouth disease.
12 - days in a row spent inside my house with kids who were quarantined.
1 - day spent in the great white somewhere before round 2.
7 - the next set of days I did not smell fresh air while my kids succumbed to Fever #2 one after another.
1 - day that my husband called in sick because he too got some wicked cold/flu thing.
400 - fervent prayers that everyone would be better for our trip to a wedding in the Okanagan.
10 - hours it took us to get to Salmon Arm which everyone was miraculously better for.
13 - hours we were in Vernon for the wedding.
10 - hours we were in Kamloops visiting family friends.
6 - times Sebastian puked on our way to Kamloops.
0 - changes of clothes I had on hand for him.
2 - pairs of jammies I bought in Kamloops.
2 - times Sebastian puked in Kamloops.
1000 - more fervent prayers that no one else would be sick for the drive home.
12 - hours it took us to drive back to Medicine Hat in which no one else was sick.
4 - storage units we bought from Ikea when we stopped in Calgary. Toy clutter begone!
2 - roadside pee stops.
1 - roadside poo stop. Say no more.
1 - time Sebastian threw up the night we got home.
10 - hours it took me to put together the storage units using pictoral instructions, a phillips head screwdriver and that damn allen key!
3 - more times Sebastian has thrown up in the last 4 days.
2 - the amount of times Hugh threw up yesterday
3 - the amount of times I threw up yesterday.
0 - the amount of times Tristan and Ava have thrown up...SO FAR.
1500 - more fervent prayers that they do not get sick now too.

How have you been?

Then again, maybe not

Being a parent myself now, I appreciate my mom at a whole new level. I recognize the sacrifices she made so that I did not have to go without. I am thankful for the boundaries she set for me and I realize they were truly put in place for my protection. I understand in a whole new way that my mom was never out to get me, no matter what I believed as a teenager, and that she never once made a decision without agonizing over if it was the right one, only wanting to do the best job she could and not having the luxury of a crystal ball to tell her if it was the right one. I appreciate this because now it's my turn to agonize and set limits and boundaries and wonder if I'm doing any of it right or if I'm scarring my children for life.

So it was with great delight and surprise, after wiping Tristan's hands and face after lunch a few days ago, I heard him say "Thank you Mom. You take good care of me." I scooped him up into a great big hug, and rained kisses down on him while he giggled, my heart full and soaring, he gets it! All the things I do for him, he gets it! He appreciates it! I let him down to go play and savoured the deliciousness of that comment for hours in a happy little bubble of joy and fulfillment.

Sometime later that day I saw the kids playing together on the floor with a talking My Little Pony that Ava got for her birthday and I stopped to watch. This pony comes with a stethoscope, a thermometer, a medicine spoon and a box of kleenex and was currently sneezng up a storm. After much bossing from Ava and negotiation from Tristan one of them finally got to wipe the poor pony's nose with a special mini kleenex. Just as I was about to commend them on their kindness I heard the pony say, "Thank you. You take good care of me."

Things I have learned planning Tristan and Ava's 4th birthday party

1. I do not like the taste of icing. I used to like it. Until I had to ice 6 cakes in the shape of balloons. It's shocking how much icing you end up ingesting while doing this.

2. How to do a proper crumb coating so you don't get cake bits in your icing. After doing it wrong and getting cake bits in my icing.

3. My kids have more friends than I do. 17 of them are coming to the party tomorrow.

4. My oven is not level. The front of the cakes came out significantly higher than the back which made my "balloons" very lopsided.

5. How to make paper kites. I made 19 of them for the kids to decorate tomorrow during the party.

6. Hugh needs a deadline to make him go gang-busters in the yard. He's been working every night after work until dark to get the underground sprinklers hooked up and buried so we can set up the trampoline we and the g & g's bought the kids. Sprinklers are done, unfortunately there is a large pile of fence boards in the way.

7. I am all about the easy way out. We're doing a Teddy Bear Picnic themed party so I googled teddy bear cakes and how to make them. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! As if I'm going to that kind of effort. Twice. I decided to use stuffed teddy bears holding the ribbons up to cakes in the shape of balloons. Cake and a present all in one place - what could be better!

8. Tristan and Ava have a much sharper level of awareness than I have previously been used to. This morning I brought down the Care Bears that I bought for the cakes. (I was looking for old-fashioned teddy bears but this is what Wal-mart had, GOOD ENOUGH!) I was hiding them behind this huge board when Ava said in a singsong voice, "Oh Mo-om! I think I see Care Bears in your hands!" So much for that.

9. The dollar store is cheap crap heaven on one hand and parental purgatory on the other. "Keep your hands on the stroller and stop asking me to buy one of everything we see. No, you don't need a book light as YOU DO NOT READ!"

10. Despite how chaotic and insane it's going to be I'm looking forward to the party itself. And not just the part when it's all over. This might mean I'm crazy. But crazy or not, Tristan and Ava are 4 and it's time to celebrate!

Hoodwinking 101

If you have ever taken care of children not your own (who speak in sentences) you know that in the absence of the people who know kids will basically try to get away with murder using the tried and true line, "But Mommy always lets me!" Like, "But Mommy always lets me get the water myself!" or "But Mommy always lets me have 2 cookies!" Their genius is they ask for things that fall just this side of the maybe line. It's not like they're asking for 10 cookies, that would be an automatic no. But 2? Well maybe they really are allowed two cookies and maybe they really are allowed to press the button for the water on the fridge. Then again, you think as the water is pouring onto the wood floor, maybe not.

My sister Jane moved to Vancouver at the end of May but had to come back for a wedding. One morning, during the week she was here she kindly let us sleep in. Although that may not have been intentional since it's sort of hard to pretend you're still asleep when the kids have jumped into your bed to cuddle, asking, "Abbey are you awake? Are you awake now? Are you awake yet? Oh AAAAABEY!" while also laying on your head and kicking you in the back in a nice staccato rhythm. Whether she just needed to remove herself from arms (or feets) reach or whether she thought food would help tame the beasts I don't know; at any rate Jane hauled herself out of bed to make the kids breakfast, specifically toast.

My kids eat alot of toast and they always ask me to cut the crusts off and I always say no. Not because I actually care if they eat their crusts or not, I don't like eating my crusts, I just can't be bothered cutting them off and figure they can eat around them.Yes I am that lazy.Now Jane has spent almost as much time with the kids as I have and she knows this routine so her automatic respnse was negative when they first asked. But she had been gone for 3 weeks and Ava, eyes shining, head nodding and conviction throbbing in her voice was saying, "But Mommy ALWAYS cuts the crust off!" When Hugh got downstairs and saw their crustless toast he laughed "they got you did they?"

Unlike the time she picked the kids up from preschool and Tristan asked if he could drive.
"Abbey can I drive?"
"No."
"Whyyyy?"
"Because you're a kid and kids aren't allowed to drive."
"But WHYYYYY?"
"Because that's the rule."
"But I don't want that to be the rule!"
"Well it is, so hop into your carseat."
"But I want to DRIIIIIVE!"
"But. you. are. not. going. to."
"BUT I WANT TOOOOO!"
"Tristan quit arguing! You are NOT DRIVING."
"But...But...But...Mommy always lets me!"

Let me repeat, the key to success is be believable.