Tell me that face doesn't break your heart just a little...

Tristan has very toothpick-like limbs:


But Tristan got a mosquito bite that got infected:


And now let's look at them side by side:


The doctor thinks Tristan was scratching a bite and broke the skin and then while playing outside picked up a staph or strep infection. He's on some pretty killer antibiotics and I am grateful because the swelling is starting to blister and is just scary to look at. That horrible preview for "Drag me to Hell" (or whatever it's called) is all over right now and even though I try to turn it because just the preview creeps me out I've seen enough that I keep thinking something is going to burst through the skin of Tristan's arm and eat us all for breakfast.

It just never occurred to me to look first

So the other day Hugh and I were taking the kids for a bike ride. When they bike they are just fast enough to for us to get a really good power walk in while pushing Sebastian in the stroller and anytime I don't have to get on a bike thereby ensuring the womanly parts stay pain-free is a-okay with me.

Anyway, on the day in question, a beautiful, gloriously sunshine-y day I thought, you know what would be great? To come home all hot and jello-legged from this walk and pour myself a tall glass of cold Almond Iced Tea. I had this thought while Hugh was already outside helping the kids into bike helmets so I knew I didn't have much time but the kettle was still hot from my morning cuppa and I decided to throw caution to the wind. I flipped the kettle on for a fresh boil, grabbed the lemon juice from the fridge, the pitcher from the cupboard beside the fridge, and dropped them on the island. I went quickly to the pantry to get the tea, sugar, almond and vanilla extracts and threw them on the island. The kettle was just starting to rumble so I hurriedly measured out my ingredients, dumping them into the pitcher, finishing exactly as the kettle reached it's peak boil only moments after starting the whole process.

Perfect timing, I thought as I grabbed the wooden spoon to stir my concoction, noticing as I did, that the sugar hadn't dissolved at all in the boiling water. Weird. I stuck the spoon in to break it up and hit something hard. Weirder. I fished it out and came up with a ramekin (those things that you make creme brulee in ) and a small candle. Cuz those are normal things to keep inside a pitcher right? Now where did I put that candle? In my water pitcher, of course! Which was very similar to the time I lost the sugar bowl that makes its permanent residence on our counter. After a good ten minutes of searching I gave up and went to take some meat out of the freezer for supper and found my sugar bowl nicely chilling.

Despite candle and ramekin, I was optimistic my dream of cold tea could still be salvaged until bits and globs of wax came floating to the top while I stirred. Sadly, the entire thing went down the kitchen sink and I went outside no further ahead than when I started. When I got to the garage I said to Hugh, "you'll never believe what I just did."
He said, "Oh, I'm sure I will...."

To make your own Almond Tea:
In a large pitcher, which you've checked beforehand to make sure there are no surprises inside:
2 tsp - 2 Tbsp instant tea, depending on how strong you like your tea
3/4 - 1/4 C sugar
1/2 - 3/4 C lemon juice
1 tsp vanilla
1 Tbsp Almond extract
Pour 2 cups of boiling water over all, stirring until dissolved. Fill to the top with cold water.
Enjoy wax free!

The best laid plans

Hello? Hello? Anybody still out there?

Why does blogging make me feel like an alcoholic back on the bandwagon? Here I am. Again. Saying sorry. Again. For the lack of blogging and recommitting myself. Again. To be more consistent in my posting. Again.

I don't blame you if you read this and don't believe me, I'm not even sure if I believe myself. But as usually seems to happen I go for weeks (ahem. months.) with nothing, no material and no energy to make my boring glory into material and now here I am with about 3 blogs in my head and not sure where to start.

I was going to start with something inspired by a facebook conversation I am currently having with an old friend but then something kind of came up and hijacked the fun and games so I guess I'll start with that.

Hugh got laid off last Friday.

It started off as an ordinary Friday. Hugh left for work at 7:30, I left for a Mothers Day Tea at Preschool at 8:15 and then Sebastian had to have his 18 month shots at 9:40. When I think back on that morning I am amazed at how ordinary it was, amazed that there was no intuition or premonition of what was coming. But I suppose there never is. It's only after that you look back and think you should have been able to see it coming. It's only after that those moments become meaningful for the very fact of their ordinariness and being the last time you felt such things were ordinary.

The Tea was done at 9:00 and Tristan had a fever and we were out of childrens Tylenol so I stopped at Pharmasave. Driving toward the Public Health Unit I looked at the clock. I was early. Not as early as I had hoped because of our pit stop, but still early. I wondered if I'd have time to hit the Starbucks drive-through before our appointment but I turned left intstead of right deciding to save Starbucks for after. We pulled into the parking lot and the kids asked to listen to the rest of Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid which was playing in our cd player. And that's where Hugh found me.

It didn't register at first that he was wearing street clothes and that I had seen him off this morning in his ratty grease-stained work clothes. I was just pleasantly surprised to see him and opened the van door saying, "Hey! What are you doing here?" Which is when he leaned in and said, "I got laid off." And I sat there waiting for the punch line, truly not suspecting he was serious.

He stayed with the big kids while I took Sebastian in for his shots. I was definitely in shock. That stage of shock where you feel somehow removed from your body. I heard myself calmly talking about Sebastian's head circumference and weight and development. I saw myself undress him and hold his arms steady for the needles. I felt his weight as I held him to me "shhh, shhh, shhh'ing" him after it was over but it was like I was floating beside myself separated from my body by wisps of cloud and swirling mist that I couldn't brush away.

We went to Costco to pick up a few things and while the kids were waiting for some samples I texted Michelle the news. She texted back the F-word and I laughed out loud. Sometimes, there are just no other words. We went home, had lunch, put the kids down for a nap and then I cried. I cried for the sod that won't be coming for our backyard after all. I cried for the vacation in August we have to cancel that the kids are so excited about. I cried for no Starbucks. I cried for no Winners. I cried for Hugh's guitar being put on hold. I cried for a changing time.

But here's the thing. As sad as I am about all these things, as uncertain as I am about our future (do we stay? will we have to move? can we survive on EI making less than half what we made? will I have to get a job?) I actually feel a supernatural peace about it all. And I have learned how much I have grown and how much I truly trust God.

I've written very little about faith on this blog, choosing instead for it to be mostly light and silly but I have a deep faith and relationship with God. And I believe the Bible when it says that all things work for the good and that God has come to give us life to the full and that He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us and though we go through deep waters and great trouble we will not drown, and when we walk through the fires we will not be consumed because He is with us.

And so we have determined that we will be positive and enjoy this time together. If our kids remember this time they will not remember parents who sat all day in pj's on the couch depressed and anxious and yelling at each other and at them. No. They will remember hours spent together walking and going to the park and playing games and laughing because truly, no matter if we stay or go, or I get a job, or however all those questions get answered, we have a very unique opportunity to spend time together as a family and we will not waste it.

It's easy to be cynical in this world. It's easy to live cautious of your happiness while waiting for the proverbial axe to fall. And it's easy to say, "Why God? Why do you hate me?" when it has fallen. And while it's true that the times where everything is going right all at the same time don't last forever, the same is also true of the opposite. The hard times don't last forever either. This is all part of the cycle of life and I don't believe that God loves me even though this happened. I believe He loves me. Period. And life happened. And I am strangely, divinely at peace and strangely, divinely excited about what's to come. At the very least I should have more time and energy (not to mention material) for blogging now that Hugh will be home everyday! No more excuses! No more falling off the bandwagon. I hope.

At least it's something new to read...

I wasn't going to do this. It was all over Facebook and bloggerland and I wasn't going to do it. But then I had no material. So I started this post over a week ago but didn't finish it (I am astonishingly uninteresting.) I pulled up my blog today determined to write a new post and realized the post I want to write is too much emotional energy for me to invest on a Saturday so here it is...

25 Random Things about me: (So much for being a resister...)

1. My 2nd and 3rd toes on my left foot are melted together creating a "webbed" effect. They were melted by a motorcycle wheel when I was two.

2. In Grade 1 I took my toes to show & tell and when I started taking my shoes and socks off my teacher said, "whoa, is she going to strip?" Slightly inappropriate to say to a six-year-old wouldn't you say? But that's the Yukon for you I guess. They're all a little punch-drunk up there.

3. If Sebastian had been a girl he would have been named Mia Faith. I still love that name.

4. I love playing games and Hugh hates them (unless it starts with x and ends in box.) I have actually cried that he won't play Pictionary with me.

5. I love Damask.

6. I'm a wanna-be painter.

7. I think my nose is getting too big for my face. When I smile I look like a 90-year-old man with my huge spreading bulbous nose.

8. I love Indian food.

9. I want to wallpaper my front entryway and my powder room.

10. When I was tired or sick or double-cross as a teenager my mom would always recommend a nice hot bath and a nice cup of tea, both of which I hated. Now whenever I or anyone I know is tired or sick or double-cross I recommend a nice hot bath and a nice cup of tea, both of which I love.

11. I hate telling people coming over that I'm an interior designer. My budget has yet to live up to the rooms I have designed in my head!

12. My Grade 4 teacher went on maternity leave halfway through the year and my mom sent along a gift for me to give her. I was mortified beyond mortified when she opened up some ruffle bum underwear to go over a baby's diaper (Why can't I think of the proper name for them?) in front of the whole class and then thanked me by name!

13. I am fiercely competitive. Today Hugh and I played a Max and Ruby version of the game Sorry! with our kids and I just about had a fit because I was the first one to have all my yellow guys lined up waiting to go home and all I popped were purples for about 50 turns and EVERYONE ELSE beat me! I had to remind myself not to kick Hugh under the table because we were having F.U.N.

14. I would love, love, love to learn the Flamenco.

15. I love chippy-peely furniture. Also known as Shabby Chic.

16. I go through fan decks of paint samples for fun.

17. I want a cottage on the beach and an apartment in Paris.

18. I have been to 14 or 15 different countries but never been further east in Canada than where I currently live. SAD.

19. I want to do a road trip across Canada sometime when our kids are older.

20. I have only ever been to one concert. It was a Blue Rodeo concert and it was SO BORING!

21. I love musicals but I prefer ones that have some dialogue in them.

22. I have a dream of a really beautiful garden. There would be profusions of colour, flagstone pathways, tall grasses. I'd have an herb garden and planters around my back deck with flowers that only open in the evening. The only problem is I absoluely despise gardening.

23. I love being in my 30's. I feel more at peace with who I am than I have ever felt and I have learned the awesomeness of saying NO!

24. My favourite Starbucks drink is a grande 2-pump white mocha americano misto. It's half the cost and half the sweetness of a regular white mocha. (Thank you Michelle!)

25. My current favourite rainy-day, sad-day, sick-day movie is Penelope. It was You've Got Mail for years followed by Bewitched and then Pride and Prejudice (BBC Version).

GOOD GRIEF! That just took me an entire nap-time! What a waste for something so boring to read. This is why I don't do these things! I was going to be a resister, remember?

Sorry kid, there are just some things that can't be helped.

I was in Value Village a couple of months ago going through the kids books when suddenly I spied a thin blue hard-covered book. "Miss Mopp's Lucky Day" it said on the cover. Could it be? My heart began to beat faster. I opened it up and there were little yellow cupcakes with pink icing and a strawberry on top all over the inside cover and facing page. I flipped eagerly past the printing info and dedication pages and there on page one was a picture of Miss Mopp in her kitchen with cakes cooling on the counters. Once upon a time I had owned this story. I'm not sure when it disappeared out of my life but it was one of my favourites as a child. An incredible find! I loved looking at that page of cakes cooling on the counters waiting to be packaged up and taken to town to be sold in Miss Mopp's cake shop. I thought they were the most beautiful cakes I had ever seen and I spent an inordinate amount of time carefully inspecting each one imaging they would taste as wonderful as they looked. Side note: adult eyes are not nearly as full of wonder as a child's.

Losing this Christmas huskiness would be alot easier if I didn't love food so much, if I wasn't, in fact, all about the food. I wish I was one of those people who thought about food in terms of fueling their bodies and in terms of health and strength. Instead, my thoughts about food tend more to the entertainment, comfort, reward side of the scale. Baby and bridal shower invites spur thoughts of "well at least there will be food." I specifically designate things as my "nap-time indulgences" even going so far as to time cookies and such to beep about five minutes after all the kids have gone down for naps. I am the kind of person who goes to bed looking forward to getting up the next day so I can have breakfast. Then even as I am eating breakfast I am dreaming up lovely combinations for lunch. Reading cookbooks is enjoyable, even anticipated, as I do my menu plans. As soon as the blessed hour of bedtime arrives and I kiss the kids goodnight I head straight to the pantry to reward myself for yet another hard days work molding the future of our country. In the back of my mind is a constant cataloguing and inventory of the holy trinity, fridge/freezer/pantry, and contemplation of all the separate and combined delights they have to yield. All this wouldn't necessarily be so bad if I could at least make up for it at the other end. You know if I liked to exercise - or just plain did some. Hello, Burpee Fiasco anyone? I just really, really hate exercising and I really, really love food.

And so what is to be the fate of my muffin top? Daily I decide I'm getting back on the wagon and I determine to make a true attempt to exercise the muffin top away. But at the end of the day all I've done is ice it with buttercream frosting. This is depressing but in the spirit of full disclosure I'm not even sure if I want to change. As previously mentioned I really, really like food and I'm just not ready to take such drastic measures as *gasp* limiting my daily sugar intake. I think it's safe to say I haven't reached rock bottom yet. Or swimsuit season.

I do not want my kids to have my food issues and I have tried to be very careful to help them cultivate a healthy relationship with food. I never use food as bribes for behaviour or rewards and I never talk about my weight or body issues around them. Last Sunday at church Ava was out of sorts. She spent the first part of church crying because she wanted it to be time for kids church and then when it was time for kids church we stood outside the door while she cried that she didn't want to go in. "Ava look at all your little friends in there waiting for you. Don't you want to go play with them?"
"No-ohhhhhhhhh. I want to stay with you-uuuuuu."
"But honey you've been looking forward to playing with your friends all morning. Why don't you go in? I know you'll have fun."
"Wellllllll....What snack is it today?"

Torture thy name is Burpee

The Burpee as described by Dictionary.com:

1. Start in a push up position.
2. Do one push up.
3. Quickly jump feet forward to a squatting position.
4. Jump high into the air, bringing up your knees to your chest and raising your hands above your head.
5. Land with feet together on the balls of your feet.
6. Drop back to a squat.
7. Jump feet back to a push up position.
8. Repeat many times.

The Burpee according to Heather:

1.
2.
3.
4. Repeat many times.


And since I've fallen off the wagon anyway, I might as well make it worth my while before I get any more brilliant excercise ideas.

The one where I feel guilty (and husky) about all the calories consumed during Christmas.

So it's a new year. I don't think I have come down off my month-long sugar binge yet. Seriously, I start to get the shakes if I go too many minutes between bites of shortbread or buttertarts, or chocolate, or gingerbread or soft, chewy, melt-in-your-mouth, homemade toffee....oh the toffee...

Focus.
New Year.

Right. It's a new year so it's time to renew my commitment to eat less and move more. Less cookies, less chocolate, less full-fat Starbucks, less late-night snacks, less nap-time indulgences, less bed-time rewards. More discipline, more fitness, more running up and down my second story stairs. Sigh. I'm going through withdrawls just thinking about it. But I have to do something. If not for the sake of my heart and being heart-healthy at least for the sake of my muffin top. Skinny jeans and muffin top? Oh no you di-in't.

I have considered various ways to get the "move more" part incorporated into my life. But being slothful and lazy is surprisingly not conducive with moving more. Talking to Hugh about this dilemma he suggested a gym pass. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. That is 100% not going to happen. I'm not even going to pretend I'm motivated enough to get up and be at a gym at 6am. What I'm really looking for is something that will make me healthy (and thin) with little or no apparent effort. Any suggestions?

I have a good friend who is the queen of the cleanse. I mean she could probably write a book about the pros, cons and results of 4o or 50 different cleanses and I am feeling so sugar-puffy right now that I actually considered doing one. For about a minute. But let's get real here. I did not obtain this muffin-top by denying myself.

Then of course there is the whole cross-fitness movement where the theory is you don't need a gym to get in shape you just use what is in your environment. Example. You take your kids to the park and you run while they bike or you do lunges while you walk there then you do tricep dips off the bench and pull-ups on the monkey bars and burpees on the grass, etc. Which is great in theory. Except A) Do you realize how stupid you feel struggling to use muscles that have not existed since Grade 10 gym class and do a pull-up on shoulder-height monkey bars while the other moms are chatting and sipping lattes? And B) How do you have time to do more than one dip at a time between the nose-wiping, the swing-pushing, the slide-catching, the owie-kissing, the fight-refereeing and the peeing on of the trees? And C) Have you done a burpee recently? I don't think I've done one since Grade 1o gym class (thank you Mrs. Howard for those wonderful memories). Until today that is. Because I have a new get fit strategy.

Heidi told me about this guy in our town who runs a Cross-fit program of some kind and who has issued something he calls The Burpee Challenge. Day 1 - do one burpee. Day 2 - do two burpees. Day 3 - three burpees and so on and so forth, you start slow, you ease into all that fitness and healthiness. This works for me. I can still indulge in my slothful ways but I can justify it because I'm slowly building up the number of burpees I'm doing in a day and therefore building up to being fit. Although somehow I can't really imagine the three month mark. I wonder if there's a "start over" after a certain number of days?

Anyway, today was Day 1. I popped a piece of toffee in my mouth - What? The bag was open on the counter and I had to close it - dropped and did a burpee. It was pretty awesome. I didn't even pee my pants like I thought I would. (It's a lot of things to keep tense so you don't fall on your face, you know?) Then I got myself a glass of water because it's important to stay hydrated, and now I'm sitting on the couch feeling pretty darn good about myself. Fitness and thinness are within my grasp. Yep. This could be it. This could be the answer I've been looking for.

I'll let you know in three months.