Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The one where I feel guilty (and husky) about all the calories consumed during Christmas.

So it's a new year. I don't think I have come down off my month-long sugar binge yet. Seriously, I start to get the shakes if I go too many minutes between bites of shortbread or buttertarts, or chocolate, or gingerbread or soft, chewy, melt-in-your-mouth, homemade toffee....oh the toffee...

Focus.
New Year.

Right. It's a new year so it's time to renew my commitment to eat less and move more. Less cookies, less chocolate, less full-fat Starbucks, less late-night snacks, less nap-time indulgences, less bed-time rewards. More discipline, more fitness, more running up and down my second story stairs. Sigh. I'm going through withdrawls just thinking about it. But I have to do something. If not for the sake of my heart and being heart-healthy at least for the sake of my muffin top. Skinny jeans and muffin top? Oh no you di-in't.

I have considered various ways to get the "move more" part incorporated into my life. But being slothful and lazy is surprisingly not conducive with moving more. Talking to Hugh about this dilemma he suggested a gym pass. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. That is 100% not going to happen. I'm not even going to pretend I'm motivated enough to get up and be at a gym at 6am. What I'm really looking for is something that will make me healthy (and thin) with little or no apparent effort. Any suggestions?

I have a good friend who is the queen of the cleanse. I mean she could probably write a book about the pros, cons and results of 4o or 50 different cleanses and I am feeling so sugar-puffy right now that I actually considered doing one. For about a minute. But let's get real here. I did not obtain this muffin-top by denying myself.

Then of course there is the whole cross-fitness movement where the theory is you don't need a gym to get in shape you just use what is in your environment. Example. You take your kids to the park and you run while they bike or you do lunges while you walk there then you do tricep dips off the bench and pull-ups on the monkey bars and burpees on the grass, etc. Which is great in theory. Except A) Do you realize how stupid you feel struggling to use muscles that have not existed since Grade 10 gym class and do a pull-up on shoulder-height monkey bars while the other moms are chatting and sipping lattes? And B) How do you have time to do more than one dip at a time between the nose-wiping, the swing-pushing, the slide-catching, the owie-kissing, the fight-refereeing and the peeing on of the trees? And C) Have you done a burpee recently? I don't think I've done one since Grade 1o gym class (thank you Mrs. Howard for those wonderful memories). Until today that is. Because I have a new get fit strategy.

Heidi told me about this guy in our town who runs a Cross-fit program of some kind and who has issued something he calls The Burpee Challenge. Day 1 - do one burpee. Day 2 - do two burpees. Day 3 - three burpees and so on and so forth, you start slow, you ease into all that fitness and healthiness. This works for me. I can still indulge in my slothful ways but I can justify it because I'm slowly building up the number of burpees I'm doing in a day and therefore building up to being fit. Although somehow I can't really imagine the three month mark. I wonder if there's a "start over" after a certain number of days?

Anyway, today was Day 1. I popped a piece of toffee in my mouth - What? The bag was open on the counter and I had to close it - dropped and did a burpee. It was pretty awesome. I didn't even pee my pants like I thought I would. (It's a lot of things to keep tense so you don't fall on your face, you know?) Then I got myself a glass of water because it's important to stay hydrated, and now I'm sitting on the couch feeling pretty darn good about myself. Fitness and thinness are within my grasp. Yep. This could be it. This could be the answer I've been looking for.

I'll let you know in three months.

8 comments:

  1. Good LORD I hated burpees. And the pushups, situps and we can't forget the dreaded shuttle run- beep... beep.... beep..beep...beep.beep. Who can run that fast or that much?

    I can't remember what kind of gaming console Hugh has but you could look into a workout video game (my friend Laurie did one on XBox and she swore by it.) And if you have a Wii, you could get Wii fit or whatever...

    Anyway, welcome back to the blogging world and also, the world of less sugar, less breves, and less fun in general. :)

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  2. I've been using the word hefty to describe myself these days. Unfortunately i have no excuses for being fat and lazy. You have kids and a life. I have none of that.
    Here's my advice for staying active. Get a dog. you'll have to take the dog for a walk at least once a day. Apparently walks are good for you. Less burpees more dog.
    hmm 3 kids a dog and hugh? that may be a little much though...

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  3. Burpees are of the devil! I'd blocked those out of my memory until you mentioned them. Thanks for bringing up the past!

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  4. Husky, I definitely feel husky. So I decided to give myself a realistic goal by not eating junk food after dinner. I can eat all I want before but like Oprah says, "Don't eat past 7". Who am I kidding I can commit to that. We're a week in the new year and I've consumed a whole container of Haagen Dazs Coffe Ice cream, A Oh Henry bar and a couple handful of M&M's Peanuts.

    I'm waiting for the weather to clear up so I can join an evening Bootcamp. I don't have to commit like a gym so I'm not wasting money. Is there something like that in your area? I think that might help me. I hope.

    By the way, what the heck is a Burpee?????

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  5. I was going to ask the same thing Simone! Burpee?? Even the name sounds uncomfortable.
    By the way, the dog thing doesn't work. We got a dog and now it's just as husky as us from the lack of walking.
    Right now I'm in denial about my body because you can eat whatever you want when you're pregnant right? Oh the storms a comin'....

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  6. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    I LOVE YOUR BLOGS.
    please write a book. you say what we ALL feel but in a WAY more witty fashion. In my bootcamp before the holidays I was issued the "modified" burpee. Meaning....one day i'll catch up and do the big kid burpee's but for now less pop up ...more like coming to a quick stand. OH it makes me laugh to think of it. HOW embarassing but we literally did them for 3 mins straight at a time.

    OH and did you know HEFTY is still used at the baby gap to describe little boys jeans with a bit extra stretch....awful.

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  7. LOLOLOLOLOL

    You had FULL FAT Starbucks?????????

    YOU BAD ASS!

    Oh, and DJ...Hefty? I just saw you today, you are NOT HEFTY!

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  8. Burpees are the devil's torture. I mean come on...who ever came up with it anyway and why the hack did they call it a Burpee. HATE THEM. Didn't like Ms. (Miss?? Mrs??) Howard much either. I chronically skipped PE.

    I've decided to buy a Wii and get the Wii Fit to go with it. I figure that ought to do it. At the very least Shane and I will burn some calories while we laugh our asses off at how ridiculous each other looks while playing on the Wii. That counts for something doesn't it?

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