Not much for me to wish for

We got the Sears Wish Book the other day. Man, I loved that book as a kid. I remember my sisters and I going through it, ticking the pages and putting our initials beside all the gloriously wonderful things we wanted Santa to bring. That book was thrills and enchantment and sugar plum fairy dust all printed out on glossy pages. On Saturday I made myself a sparkling lemonade with fresh mint and sat out on my front porch to flip through the book. It is very strange to be looking at Christmas things when it's 34 degrees in the shade and it's September! Whatever, I'm not complaining.

Sadly, this was a case where the wonder that touches your eyes as a child doesn't quite survive into adulthood. There is just so much crap in the Wish Book! Ordinary beer glasses not quite special enough? You want a glass boot to drink your beer out of? Done. Check the Gifts Under $15 pages. Also on those pages a Country Cats Kitchen Collection which consists of trivet, salt and pepper shaker, napkin holder and spoon rest all done as ceramic cats. It's luuurvely. I think I'll get a set for all the special spinsters in my life. Also on that spinster list? Flip a couple of pages to the Gifts Under $20 and you'll find a throw with wolves on it that also has handy snaps to convert it into a wrap. So great for those cold nights when you're ALL ALONE! Cause trust me if you wear that thing everyone's gonna run screaming. At least you'll have fleece wolves for company.

And for the AC/DC, Pink Floyd and Rolling Stones fans you could get some pretty sweet old-man slippers for under $20. Is that the definition of ironic? When I see these slippers I picture a stained wife-beater, hole-y sweats, longish frizzled hair and a scraggly beard shot with grey. The rocker got old dudes, so old he needs slippers to keep his feet warm, but hey, let's not forget he's a rocker. Et Voila, Pink Floyd slippers.

Two of my favourites are in the Gifts Under $10 pages. There are some monogrammed notepads that are actually really cute and would be a good idea for teacher gifts or something like that. But only if you're one of the lucky ones whose name starts with A, B, C, D, E, J, K, L, M, S, T or R. I know those are good letters for the final Wheel of Fortune puzzle but last I time I checked I wasn't a contestant and I want an H!

My other favourite in those pages is the Kilt Beach Towel/Wrap. It's a velour towel printed to looks like a kilt, even including the change purse or flask holder or whatever that leather bag with tassles is that hangs around the waist. But the best part? It's reversible. Velour for going out, terrycloth for staying in. Ooh, and can someone please buy me the Canucks dart set or the mug that says, "Born to Bingo"? Are you there Santa? It's me, Heather....

And when did the gift sections get so expensive? The Gifts Under $5 section that I remember from my childhood is gone. I ordered my dad a Canucks towel from that section one year. I was expecting a bath towel. He got a hand towel. Oops! What else can you expect for $5, right? The highest price point I remember is Gifts Under $100 and those gifts were awesome; diamond rings and fancy electronics and things like that. This year I noticed a Gifts Under $500 section. Who buys something worth $500 from the Sears Catalogue? If I'm going to buy a floor-length, down-blend coat with genuine fur trim for $399.99 I want to try it on first, you know?

I wonder what my kids will think of it?