Okay so remember that paper I applied to? I called about a week or so after the close date and found out they filled the position. After referencing the wrong paper in my cover letter I wasn't surprised that I hadn't heard from them but I asked the Editor if I could come in and talk to him about my submissions and give me some constructive criticism.
I met him at his office a week later and he pulled out my submissions and we sat down to chat. He flipped through them briefly then looked me in the eye and said, "Basically, I just don't like your writing style." Ouch. I totally felt like the girl who auditions for Idol because her friends and family all tell her she's such a good singer and then Simon looks at her and says, "Trust me this business is not for you. You actually can't sing. At all. Seriously."
This editor then went on to an abstract discussion of art, and how sometimes people put pins in a barbie and call it the existence of man but that just that morning his dog, and I quote, "laid a tight coil on my front yard and we called it steamy". I thanked him for his time and walked back to my van and sat there for awhile.
For as long as I can remember I have been paralyzed by a crippling fear of failure. I always wanted to do highschool theatre but I never did. I was afraid I wouldn't get any callbacks after auditioning. After highschool there was a theatre program at a school in Vancouver that I really wanted to apply to. I got the forms and I partially filled them out and then, I just didn't finish. I was so afraid of the audition process, so afraid of being told no that I never even applied. And I have lived some version of that story over and over as the fear of failure, of rejection, has kept me from ever attempting to chase down whatever dream is in my heart.
For a long time now I have dreamed of writing and it was only this year I had the courage to put myself out there. And then I was rejected. The thing I had always feared most in the world happened. Technically, I failed. Not only did I not get the job, I didn't even get an interview. Not only did I not even get an interview, the Editor said he didn't like my writing style. At all. Now put that ice cream back in the freezer because this is where it gets good. When I failed, when I was rejected, when I was told I wasn't good enough the world didn't come to an end. It didn't change the axis on which it was rotating. It didn't get sucked into a black hole. And, most importantly, it didn't make me want to give up; didn't make me want to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head; didn't make me vow never to write another word. It didn't even make me want ice cream. Okay, whoa! Let's not get crazy here. I always want ice cream.
I guess what I'm trying to say is the anticipation of failure and rejection was much worse than actually experiencing it. And now? That fear no longer has the power to keep me from chasing my dreams.
Weekend Reading 12.1.24
3 weeks ago
Heather - hopefully this inspires you to keep persuing your writing dream. Remember that this is one person's view of your writing style. Take this as a challenge. Maybe he'll be eating his words as he reads your articles in an even better newspaper!
ReplyDeleteI understand what you mean. When I was applying to Soul Survivor to go to England, I remember holding on to the application for a few days before sending it because I was afraid if I did send it, I would be rejected. But then our good friend Tanya reminded me that if I didn't send it, I wouldn't be accepted, either.
ReplyDeleteAll that to say, some times it pays to take chances, some times it doesn't. Either way there is always some lesson learned, some courage gained. I think you are a fabulous writer, and you will always have those around you that think so too. So you have my support- go ahead, chase those dreams. :)
As an Emily Carr student I was subjected to the torturous routine of daily and weekly formal critiques on my work--a lot of my peers and profs didn't dig my style, but they still found it in themselves to critique my work thoroughly and I respected them for it and even miss it now.
ReplyDeleteSome editor who's idea of constructive criticism is "I don't like your writing style" is, quite frankly, a douche. That's crass, but it seems fitting for the dude who brought his dog's morning business into the conversation. I hope this guy finds himself eating not only his words, but eating a fat bowl of ice cream while reading your work somewhere else one day.
I think you have an incredible ability to tell stories succinctly without digression, and the ability to appeal to a wide range of audiences. Stuart McLean, watch out.
That editor is a douche.
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I'm your number one fan.