I went to my Twins Club playgroup yesterday and came face to face with one of those playground dilemmas that parents often face.
Ava was playing with this little stuffed Barney toy and another little girl younger than Ava came along and basically grabbed it out of her hands and walked away. I was watching. I saw it so when Ava came to me crying I knew exactly what happened. I gave her a little cuddle and then we walked over to the little thief and I got down on my knees and said (very kindly I might add) "Ava was playing with Barney first so why don't you give it back and we'll go find you another toy to play with okay?"
No response. Unless you call staring me down a response. I tried again a little more firmly. "You need to give that toy back to Ava. She was playing with it first." She stared a moment longer and then walked away. By nature I am not a very confrontational person. Whenever I have issues that need dealing with I always try to get my sister Jane or my friend Michelle to do it for me. So far it hasn't really worked out for me because they keep saying no.
When the little girl walked away I had no idea what to do. Do I just grab it out of her hands and give it back to Ava? Not really my style. Do I tell the girls mom that her daughter took my daughters toy? Do I just tell Ava to find another toy? I never know how to deal with these playground things. What would you/do you do in these situations?
Weekend Reading 12.1.24
3 weeks ago
Oh wow, I sooooo know what you mean. I HATE confrontation and normally avoid it at all costs. Thinking about someone wronging my little girl makes the hair stand up on my arms tho! Just the thought of some boy hurting her feelings when she's a teen makes me tear up. Unfortunately tho I think I may just find another toy, just to avoid the possible conflict with the other parent. I wish I was stronger. Who knows, maybe when the time comes I'll be able to be strong and bold. I hope the situation resolves itself for you.
ReplyDeleteWow Heather, I know this situation all to well. And no matter how many times it happens it doesn't get easier. Like your friend said the thought of someone wronging one of my girls gets my blood boiling. So, if the toy was Ava's own toy from home (which has happened to us) the I would gently try to pry it (for lack of a better word) from the little girl. Enough of a tug where she understands it's time to give it back. If that doesn't work then I would go talk to the mom. But if it belongs to the playgroup then I would let it go after politley asking and then get another toy for Ava and then give a life lesson on the importance of sharing and consequences of STEALING. LOL!
ReplyDeleteBecause I tend to get quite confrontational (which Carson hates) I almost get too passive in these kind of situations but I guess there needs to be a balance especially in front of our kids. I hope that helps, it's definitely something I'm still learning. I'm sure I'll learn more lessons once the girls are in school.
What did Michelle say? She seems to have good parenting answers! ;)
The guru will now speak...
ReplyDeletePULEASE....
Honestly, ok, what would I do...
Isnt' it strange how we know our own kids can be selfish, bratty, disobedient BUT if some other kid does something to hurt their feelings...WATCH OUT...Mama bear is on the loose!
So, my question is, where was the Mom of this other little girl? If she wasn't around, and you had asked the little girl for Barney back, I think I would have done what Simone said. I would have 'gently pryed' it out of her rotten little hands. I know that if Cammy takes a toy from someone (could that ever happen???) then I always make her give it back. ALWAYS...even if the Mom says 'Oh, don't worry...Timmy can get another toy' Uh..NO. You know, I often want to write a parenting book because so MANY times people say to me 'Oh! You're kids are SO good, you are SO lucky' or 'My kids NEVER go to bed when I tell them, how do you do that?' or 'Your girls seem to really like each other, that's crazy!'
How do I do that?
I didn't know that it was an option.
I wasn't aware that being respectful, polite, kind and obedient was something that we negotiated.
Welcome to 2007.
Oh man... I so know that story... like the other day... some kid came and took my xbox game. I cried so hard and Kim couldn't get him to give it back.
ReplyDeleteSad times.
OK, I have trouble with that one too. I think it depends on how well you know the child. If I now the child I am a little more likely to take it away and give it back to my kid, but if I don't I would probably just get my kid to get a different toy.
ReplyDelete