As I was making dinner yesterday...

"Ava let's play the vampire game. I'll be the vampire."

"But I want to be the vampire too, Tristan!"

"Maybe we could both be vampires?"

What? Vampire? Where on earth....? I know I've been obsessed with Twilight but they can't possibly... They're only 4!

"Hey Tristan I have a good idea! You can be the vampire and I'll be the werewolf."

"Yeah! Yeah Ava! That's a great idea! I want you to be the werewolf!"

Crap! Crap! Crap! After all the grief I have given Hugh over the video games thing after Tristan started playing "killing"! How on earth did they pick this up? I'm glad Hugh's not home to hear this. I will never live this down...

"Tristan who should be the Mummy King?"

"How 'bout Sebastian be's the Mummy King?"

What? There's no Mummy King in Twilight.

"Oh yeah! Great idea! And let's sing the song too!"

Song? There's a song? What song?

"Weeeeee're youuuuuu're baaaaackyard friends, the backyaaaaardigans....and we'll probably sing a song and we'll maybe dance along..."

Of course! The Halloween episode where Mad Scientist Tasha invites Werewolf Tyrone, Mummy King Uniqua, and Vampire Pablo to Austin's surprise Monster Ball birthday party. Looks like I can still be self-righteous about the video games after all.

Can't talk for long...

I've fallen in love. His name is Edward Cullen.
And he's a vampire.

I'm reading the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer right now and it is fantastic! I don't mean it's exceptionally good literature, it's no Pillars, but it is completely captivating. I actually have not been able to function while reading this. On Friday when I dropped the kids off at preschool I ignored all the Christmas-type errands I could have (should have) run and raced home to throw myself onto the couch and start the first book. I read furiously for two uninterrupted blissful hours and since then the obsession has only gotten worse. It was with an almost physical pain I made myself close Book 3 today. I can hardly bear to leave Edward but I probably should clean house, get dressed and cook at some point right?

Have you read them? Heard of them?

No one said I had to be reasonable

Why does it irritate me when my kids ask to brush their teeth in the morning?

Seriously. Why?

I have dentist issues. I want my kids to have good teeth. I am a complete nazi about nighttime brushing. So why do I try to brush my own teeth on the sly, hiding in case they see me and ask to brush theirs too? And why does my heart sink when one of them walks into the bathroom while I'm brushing?

Do you have any weird pet peeves or am I alone in the crazy?

An unintended entendre

This morning while I was getting dressed (at 11:00. Oh the life of a stay-at-home-mom. It's all sleeping late and bon bons and Bailey's in our coffee.) Ava wandered into my bedroom and since I noticed she was still in her jammies I asked her to go get dressed. Several minutes later she came back wearing a princess dress and a crown, having raided the dress-up box for today's ensemble.

"Mom! Look! I'm a princess!" she said as she put the lid of the toilet down and hopped on. As she settled herself onto the toilet to watch me do my make-up she was struck with a startling realization, "Hey Mom! LOOK! I'm sitting on a KINGS CHAIR thing!"

Uh, I do believe it's called a throne.

And it goes on...

I have done many disgusting things as a parent. Things I never thought, as I gagged on the sound of someone eating a banana near me, possible. For instance, I have voluntarily held out my hands to catch my childs puke because nothing else was handy. Pretty remarkable considering I once vomited into a friend's sink after watching her baby spit-up during her post-nursing burp. However, nothing I have done in the past in terms of grossness compares to yesterday.

Yesterday I scooped poop out of Sebastian's diaper with a plastic spoon smaller than the nail on my pinkie finger and smeared it into a small plastic container until it reached the fill line halfway up. And then I did it again.

Actually in the interest of full disclosure, Hugh did. Both times. Because apparently I haven't completely lost my gag reflex.

The last 30 days by the numbers

4 - hours I spent sitting in a walk-in clinic with Ava who was diagnosed with Strep throat.
1 - hour I spent at my doctor's office to discover Ava's Strep throat was, in fact, not Strep.
3 - the number of kids in my house who got hand, foot and mouth disease.
12 - days in a row spent inside my house with kids who were quarantined.
1 - day spent in the great white somewhere before round 2.
7 - the next set of days I did not smell fresh air while my kids succumbed to Fever #2 one after another.
1 - day that my husband called in sick because he too got some wicked cold/flu thing.
400 - fervent prayers that everyone would be better for our trip to a wedding in the Okanagan.
10 - hours it took us to get to Salmon Arm which everyone was miraculously better for.
13 - hours we were in Vernon for the wedding.
10 - hours we were in Kamloops visiting family friends.
6 - times Sebastian puked on our way to Kamloops.
0 - changes of clothes I had on hand for him.
2 - pairs of jammies I bought in Kamloops.
2 - times Sebastian puked in Kamloops.
1000 - more fervent prayers that no one else would be sick for the drive home.
12 - hours it took us to drive back to Medicine Hat in which no one else was sick.
4 - storage units we bought from Ikea when we stopped in Calgary. Toy clutter begone!
2 - roadside pee stops.
1 - roadside poo stop. Say no more.
1 - time Sebastian threw up the night we got home.
10 - hours it took me to put together the storage units using pictoral instructions, a phillips head screwdriver and that damn allen key!
3 - more times Sebastian has thrown up in the last 4 days.
2 - the amount of times Hugh threw up yesterday
3 - the amount of times I threw up yesterday.
0 - the amount of times Tristan and Ava have thrown up...SO FAR.
1500 - more fervent prayers that they do not get sick now too.

How have you been?