Remembering

Last weekend was a weekend of remembrance. I have struggled to get these words out and debated on whether to post this entry.

At various times throughout the weekend the sky was clear and blue, dark and stormy or just plain grey, as if colour and vibrancy had fled the chill of winter to wait for the newness of Spring.

Remembrance Day dawned crisp and cold and so blue it almost hurt. Standing in Riverside Park, listening to "Taps", I watched an old military helicopter fly overhead and release thousands of poppies to the crowd below. The arms of the trees around us were gnarled and knobby but still they reached to embrace the sky. I watched the blood red poppies float down through the brilliant blue sky to dance among the stark white trees. And my heart ached that there could be such beauty in the cold and chill and barrenness. And I released a breath I did not know I was holding.

The crowd clapped for the Veterans as they marched out of the Cenotaph and I remembered an Armistice Day ceremony I attended in Belgium while I was backpacking through Europe. I think the entire city had turned out and were lining the streets. The various military groups paraded by and I stood silent and small in awe of the roar of a crowd that celebrated as if the armistice had been signed yesterday and not almost 90 years ago. Canons boomed in the distant during the moment of silence compelling us to remember...remember...remember... Remember the sacrifice of those that have fallen. Remember the cost of our peace and freedom. Remember that life is meant to be lived. And I understood the passion of the people and I heard my voice join the cheering crowd as the soldiers made their return journey.

This weekend, November 13 also marked the one year anniversary of the day my sister lost her husband in a car accident. That day dawned dark and stormy. At the cemetery we stood in a semi-circle around Colton's newly erected monument and laid flowers and remembered. And we were silent. Because the day belonged to the wind and words had no place in it.

How can it be that it only takes one moment to change life so irrevocably? How is it possible for your entire world to be altered in just one instant?

I often think back to what I was doing a year ago. Who I was a year ago. What I took for granted a year ago. And I am determined not to waste today. I will not wait for winter's chill to thaw and release the colours of Spring. I will mix my own colours. I will paint a new canvas. And I will let the shadows of the grey that I cannot erase make the colour more brilliant.