This is why I can't quit blogging. I need you.

Well let's just get the obvious out of the way shall we?  I haven't written a blog in over two weeks and here's why:

1.  It was grey and windy and cold and I stayed in my pajama's (as I've been doing for most of January) and threw myself a pity party because I felt like I had nothing to say and why would anyone care if I said it anyway?

2.  I got together with Britni from a life well knit and she got me started knitting a cowl.  I obsessively spent my spare time watching old 90210 episodes and knitting.

3.  My best friend's Grandma died.  Her family came from all over and surrounded her bedside praying, singing, crying and even laughing together.  The stories Michelle has told me from that night sounded so beautiful and lovely they gave me goosebumps even from over the phone.  I can just imagine what it would have been like to be in that room.  So what does this have to do with me not blogging you ask?  I've known their family for a long time and Grandma and Grandpa Richmond are the head of a very tight, very close-knit family rich in faith and love and connection and after having nothing to say for so long I had nothing to write as I was reflecting deeply about heritage and family legacy and couldn't articulate my thoughts. 

4.  My parents came for a visit.  I love it when my parents come, we always have such a good visit.  This one was no exception.  I almost peed my pants laughing while Hugh, my parents and I canoe raced on the Wii.  We also took the kids 5-pin bowling and Tristan came in third behind Hugh and my mom and his technique was HORRIBLE!  He'd hold the ball and shuffle sideways up to the lane and then do a sideways 2-handed toss and he got a strike!  I was terrible, gutter ball after gutter ball just alternating sides.  After watching Tristan get a strike I decided to copy his technique for fun.  Wouldn't you know it.  I got a strike.  I'm not even kidding.

5.  I got caught in a fire at Winners.  Actually it was my Mom and Sebastian and I.  We were in Winners and Mom and I were each trying on a pair of jeans in the family fitting room when we heard this weird noise.  Mom wondered what it was and I answered that it was probably a truck or something doing a warehouse delivery or something like that and we continued commenting on the jeans we tried on - how I thought the knees of the jeans I was trying were baggy and how the bum wasn't great on the pair my mom was trying.  In the midst of these critiques there was suddenly a knock at the door and voice urgently telling us to get to the front of the store because the fire alarm was going off and they weren't sure why.  In our defense can I just say it didn't sound like any fire alarm I've ever heard before?  Neither my mom or I recognized that annoying noise as a fire alarm.  The lady sounded pretty frantic so we quickly gathered up our clothes and our coats and wearing the jeans we were in the middle of trying on walked to the front of the store.  When we got to the front of the store the news came that it was in fact a fire in the backroom and everyone had to vacate the premises immediately.  "But," I yelled over the clanging noise, "We're wearing your clothes!"
"Oh great, you've got your clothes on!"
"No! No!  These are YOUR clothes!  YOURS!  We were trying these on!"
"Okay.... Well I'll just quickly ring them through for you."
"But I don't want them! I don't like them!"
In the end they took my name and phone number and we walked over to London Drugs (first setting off the security alarms leaving Winners) wearing jeans with tags hanging out and stickers on the thigh and basically looking like petty thieves.  Nothing all that new for me really.
This actually has nothing to do with why I couldn't blog but when was the last time you were in the change room of a store that caught on fire?  We ended up changing into our own clothes in the London Drugs bathroom and walking our pilfered items back to Winners.

I think that's all. Mostly why I haven't blogged in a while is I have been so discouraged these past few weeks.  I have felt quite listless and slumpy (if that can be considered a word).  I've been struggling to find purpose in my everyday life and struggling for fresh creativity and inspiration.  I haven't wanted to cook and I'm sick of everything I make.  I've wanted to hide behind books and movies in my spare time.  A few weeks ago one of my friends posted on her facebook status: I will not slump into a snow dazed haze of hibernation. I will awake and create. I will live like today deserves... It deserves not to be overlooked. 

My question is: How?  How do I not slump?  How do I awake and create?  How do I not overlook today?  I started a dialogue with another friend of mine who is a photographer.  She is very inspiring and has consistently pushed herself to stay creative in the often lone venture of photography and creating art.  One of the things she did when she was going to school in Vancouver at Emily Carr and spending all day in a 4x3 foot darkroom was to fill her outside life with colour - the clothes she wore, her home environment, as much as possible she filled her life with colour to compensate for the days spent in the dark.  I have been trying to do this.  On the days I get dressed I have been purposing to leave the white, the grey, the beige and the black on their hangars.  It's been surprisingly helpful - I just need to get dressed more consistently.  Not helpful is I crouched down to help Ava with something the other day and I split the inner thigh of my favourite jeans (hence the Winners jeans episode).

So what's the point of this wandering and random blog?  I need your help my friends.  I have felt alone and isolated in my slumpyness.  I know it's not the truth.  I know I am not truly alone but sometimes it's really easy to believe.  I also know that feelings lie and I don't want to live based on how I feel.  So I'm reaching out.  I want to be renewed.  I want to be fueled by a new passion and verve that does not depend on the weather or my feelings.  Yesterday at church our pastor asked us what we're believing for for this year.  Honestly?  Right now I'm not really believing for anything, halfheartedly hoping maybe, but not believing with faith and conviction.  Our pastor also said that we need to make room for the new - we need to say no to some things, clear out some things emotionally, eliminate some things physically to make room.  So I want to take some time to think about what some of those things might be in my life.  He also said to thank God in advance for the new.  Today that's my tool.  I am choosing to thank God in advance for new hope, new vision, new inspiration.  This is where you come in.  My question is how do you do it?  How do you fight these low times?  What sparks your inspiration or creativity?  What makes you want to live like today deserves?